Ready, Set, School: Supporting Your Child Through the Transition
As summer comes to an end and the back-to-school season is upon us, it can bring a mix of excitement, anticipation, and stress. There are lots of new things to navigate including new teachers, routines, schedules, academic expectations, and friendships. For some children, the transition feels exciting. For others, it feels overwhelming. And for many, it is a combination of both!
The good news? You don't have to wait until the first day of school to begin preparing. A gentle reset in the days or weeks leading up to school can help children feel more grounded, confident, and ready for the transition.
Don’t Wait for the First Day to Shift Your Routine
What would it feel like to shift your family's routine before the first day of school?
If summer has included later bedtimes, slower mornings, or a more flexible schedule, gradually moving toward the pace of the school year can make the transition feel a little smoother.
Now, I am not suggesting you recreate the entire school day. Instead, perhaps you could start practicing little adjustments. How about shifting bedtime and wake-up time closer to the school schedule, or reintroducing consistent morning and evening routines? Maybe try prepping your kiddo for the next day each evening, so they know what to expect. When routines become familiar before school starts, your child has one less thing to figure out while adjusting to a new environment. The goal isn't a perfectly structured household. It's predictability.
Practicing Calm Before the First Day
It is no secret that the first day of school can bring a plethora of big feelings. Even children who are looking forward to school may become more irritable, have difficulty sleeping, complain of stomachaches, or experience bigger emotions as they adjust. This can be an expected part of any transition.
So, what would it look like to prepare their nervous system? To practice calm?
Maybe it is a few minutes of movement in the morning, time outside after school, three deep breaths at the dinner table before eating, quiet time before bed, or one-on-one connection with a parent in the evening. When calm is practiced in a daily routine, these skills become easier for children to access when out of routine and in moments of overwhelm.
In practicing regulation skills, your child begins to recognize, “My body is telling me I'm overwhelmed, and I know things I can do to help myself.”
Connecting After the School Day
“How was school?”.... “Fine.”
If you’ve had this conversation, you are not alone! So, let us think about what it would be like to start with connection, rather than questions.
After hours of learning, socializing, following directions, and managing big and small challenges, children may need some time to decompress before they are ready to talk. Instead, try starting with connection:
“I'm so happy to see you. Welcome home”
“I can tell you've had a long day. Let's get you settled”
“I love you. When you're ready to talk about your day, I'm here.”
Maybe your child needs a snack, some movement, quiet time, or a little play before they are ready to share. And maybe you do too...then, when everyone has had a chance to regulate, there is meaningful opportunity for conversation.
When the question, “How was school?” does arise, perhaps you can also try getting more specific:
“What was the funniest thing that happened today?”
“What was something you felt proud of?”
“Was anything harder than you expected?”
Adding, “Do you want me to listen, help you problem-solve, or just hang out with you?” may also guide how you can best support them in the moment. Sometimes children don't need a fix, they just need to be heard.
The Power of “That Makes Sense” (Validation)
The power of “that makes sense” isn't just for the end of a school day. It can be just as helpful when preparing for the first day of school.
Allow your child to hear that their worry or apprehension about the start of the school year is normal. Maybe even offer a story of how you felt nervous on the first days of school (or work!). For Example: “It makes sense that you're worried about whether you'll like your teacher because you've never met them before.”
Validation doesn't mean we have to take the worry away. Sometimes, simply communicating, “I understand why you feel this way, and I'm here with you,” is enough.
A Back-to-School Reminder for Parents
Let's face it, there’s no perfect way to prepare for the school year.
There will probably be a difficult morning. Someone may forget something. Your child may come home exhausted and melt down over something that seems very small. You may lose your patience, too. That doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.
Transitions. Take. Time.
As the school year begins, let us focus less on creating the perfect routine and more on creating predictability, connection, and opportunities to practice coping.
Here's to a school year that doesn't have to be perfect to be a good one.
HELPFUL RESOURCES
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